Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
