i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
