I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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