im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she peed on how many people?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i've created a new STD.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
