So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect