how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
