you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.