he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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