Just fell off a train. Bad.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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