I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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