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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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