I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
