You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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