Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
