I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
