Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
