dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
