this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
