my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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