the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
