okay pat passed out under dana's car
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
