i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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