My Higher Power is John Stamos
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Damn victory sex feels great
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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