u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
