You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
