No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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