Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
COCAINE IS GR8
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
