This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
