Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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