yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
false alarm, still single
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
