If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
