So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
