I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
