at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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