I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
