Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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