"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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