One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
