I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
