one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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