guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
