where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
