I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The dick lei will go down in squad history
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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