im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
