weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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