I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
