It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
