the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize