false alarm. still invincible.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
