I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
