you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
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It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
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I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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