brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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