What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
