My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
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They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
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My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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