At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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