Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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