Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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