the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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