this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
