I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
