and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
