well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize