I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
This is the prime rib incident all over again
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
