And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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