Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
