Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize