Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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