We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
