Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
