After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
