I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
