you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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