you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
