It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
