thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
