I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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