hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
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Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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