you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
